D Blog Week: Accomplishments Big and Small

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).

Our Accomplishments Big and Small

I have to admit it might be a bit cliche' but our biggest accomplishment thus far since Clifford was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes is that he's alive! Diabetes is an inconsistent disease that you really never know what's going to happen every minute with it. So you must celebrate all the small victories. We've celebrated 'in range' numbers after a particularly high carb meal, or sweet treat, and we've celebrated learning to tackle that nasty bg spike that comes from eating pizza a few hours after. But the biggest celebration of all is that he's alive and healthy! What more could you ask for?

Granted you're going to have days that aren't so nice, numbers wise. But we tend think "bolus and move on". I do try to figure out as best I can what is causing those highs, but I don't stress about it as much as I used to. I've learned how his body is and works more now that we're three years into it. I can typically tell which way he should be trending after a certain meal, or bolus. I'm not always 100% right because no one's perfect, but I'm getting pretty good at it, so that in itself is an accomplishment. 

Another huge accomplishment is the addition of the insulin pump. He was on MDI's for 2 years after diagnosis, and on the dreaded sliding scale for a year and a half of that!! Throughout out it all his a1c has never been above 7.5%, except for at diagnosis. In fact 6 months after beginning the insulin pump he went from 7.5% to 6.5% and now has been hanging around the 6.4 and 6.3% mark for the last 8 months. I can say that is a huge accomplishment. The best you can do with diabetes is get up and take a hold of it and say, today you will not stop me, you may toss a few bumps along the way, but it will not stop you!

D Blog Week: Memories: A Few Moments In Time Could Save a Life!

I have to say I pretty much remember almost every single significant event that has happened in our life due to Diabetes now for the past three years. But the one that I can see crystal clear and can recall every single detail of is not the day my son was diagnosed, unconscious in DKA, or the life flight from a low blood sugar, no it's a small glimpse in D life that didn't present cause for a trip to the hospital at all, but it still haunts me to this day.

Like every parent that has a child with Diabetes, those moments walking to your child's room when they have slept in later than they normally would are frightening. One particular morning, he slept in a little later than normal, around 9am, which is late for Clifford on any given day. I tiptoed up to his room, checked to see if his chest was rising with each breath, I myself breathed a sigh of relief to see that in fact it was. I touched him to wake him up, and there was no movement, my heart sunk for a second, but when he started to stir I recovered from my cardiac episode. However I couldn't fully understand what he was trying to tell me. So I went through the normal 20 questions to see if he was in the 'right state of mind', or if a low was taking him over. "What's your name", Clifford, Okay good. "How old are you", Blank stare, no answer, again, "How old are you", : 9, awesome he's back, but something wasn't right. He was only answering me intermittently, and it just didn't sit right with me. I ran downstairs to get his meter (which is why we keep it by the bedside now), ran back up out of breath at this point to test him, thankfully I thought enough to bring a juice box with me. Tested him and he was 65, okay low but we've experienced lower, this juice will bring him right up I thought to myself.  He drank, and I planned on checking him again in 10 minutes to make sure he was coming up.

I went downstairs to toss the empty juice box in the trash, on my way through I decided to grab the cake icing tube, you know just in case. Then I went right back upstairs to check on him. During those few brief minutes, honestly maybe only 2. He had moved himself from his bed, and crawled through the hallway to the walk in closet at the other end of the hall, he was on his hands and knees in the closet, and still talking to me intermittently, he was having a slight twitch as well, not one that you would consider even the possibility of him having a seizure, or that you think of when you think seizure, but just a nervous twitch of sorts. Without thinking I grabbed him up and started forcing icing into his mouth, rubbing it on his gums, tongue, the sides of his mouth, everywhere, asking him to swallow. He had that 'low' look that I remember too perfectly, glazed eyes, wide open, staring through me like glass. It seemed to be forever in my mind, but within a few moments he started looking at me like I was crazy, which told me he had started to become 'normal' again and was aware of what was going on, in a sense. He asked why we were in the closet, and what I was doing, he had no recollection of what had happened. I guess in a way that was good for him. But his little sister who is 7 had to watch as I grabbed him up and forced icing in his mouth. I didn't panic, I just made it happen.

It wasn't until after this was all said and done, he was tested and was 141, that I sat down, and had to take a moment to come to terms with what had happened, and what we had just done. It was a simple moment in D life, that thankfully didn't require emergency intervention, but it very easily could if we had lost a few more moments in time that usually seem so insignificant. But in D life those moments are priceless and very well could save someones life!

Inside Peek Into the Life of Type 1 Diabetes

While on paper it all looks pretty simple when it comes to type 1 diabetes management. You count your carbs before you eat, you inject insulin and this all should provide you with a stable blood sugar number right? Boy do I wish.

While giving insulin to cover the carbs the body will covert into glucose in the bloodstream is extremely important, it's not the only factor when it comes to Diabetes management. Exercise plays a huge role in blood sugar numbers, it's a great way to bring a higher number down, or help keep you in your target zone. Stress tends to increase one's blood sugar numbers, as well as illness, or puberty.

But the one way I've been kept on my toes throughout it all is during the night time. No matter the basal's that we put into place at night time it seems that there is no correct 'formula' for his night time insulin dosage. Clifford's body tends to be more sensitive to the insulin during the night time, I really do not know why this is, as I haven't really researched it as much. Add into play the dawn phenomenon, which typically happens for him at least around 2-3 am, his numbers are usually hit or miss. With his increased sensitivity, if he's high, it's a horrible guessing game for the correct dosage to bring him down to a nice number. I know I have to back off a good deal of what the pump suggests at night time, but just how much, well that's another story. There is no one set number, I can't just back off .5 units and hope for the best, because I get varied results either still high or too low. (Oh yeah, did I mention you must take into consideration also if they had any activity before bedtime, as it could take a few hours to take full effect?) Sounds fun right?

What I'm left with is the job that his once vital pancreas would do. The way the pancreas works is rather beautiful. You wouldn't know it but as a non diabetic you may still have a higher blood sugar from time to time if you checked yourself. That is because the body will secret your insulin at just the right time to bring you down, but not cause you to go too low. It's in no other words beautiful. It's hard to understand this when you don't have to see the other side of a non working organ in play. But here I am left playing the part of the dead organ floating inside his body and it's a bit stressful at times.

An example of my nightly guessing game when he's high is like last night he was over 300 ( which I honestly couldn't figure out why, so I busted out the ketone meter), the pump wanted to give him 3.3 units, but woah is that a large dose at night time for him. I backed off down to 1.9 units, because the particular number 1.4 units showed up in my head (to subtract), and well I went with my instincts. Because he's corrected, I must set an alarm to get up 2 hours later to make sure he's not coming down too fast, last night he happened to be 270 something I believe, and while typically that number comes down into a more stable or target number, something in my stomach said that we should still bolus for this one as well. In fact the pump wanted to give him 1.4 units and I only gave him 0.3. The nice side of this story is, he's is sitting currently at a 117! But there are times it could go either way, it's never perfect, and it's exhausting to be in my head during these few short moments.

This is diabetes. Not what you see in books, or on the internet. It's not black and white, and while it's manageable as they say, it's not easy. It's time consuming, it's a parasite that takes from you every single moment of the day, but it's worth all the hassle to see a healthy child wake up in the morning! Just a little inside view into the life of Type 1 diabetes!

HAWMC Day 10: Wordless Wednesday!

HAWMC Day #10: Wordless Wednesday!

It's often hard to like pictures of ourselves, post your favorite picture of yourself!

 Technically since my blog is about Clifford and living with his Type 1 diabetes I figured I'd post up my favorite picture of myself but also one of him, just acting like himself. So here you go.

Acting like a goof!

The one behind the computer screen....

If Your Health Condition Was an Animal.........

I am a bit behind on my Health Activist's Writer's Month Challenge from WEGO, but today is Day # 8 and here is the prompt.

HAWMC Day 8:
If your health condition (or the health condition of a loved one!) was an animal, what would it be? Is it a real animal or make believe?

Originally when I thought of this question and thought about Clifford's Diabetes, I wanted to say a Lion, you know the king of the jungle, the ruler of all, I get what I want when I want, Lion. But when I thought about it more, I really feel like Diabetes has multiple personalities. Because why it's large and usually almost always in charge, it does tend to let us get a grip or a hold on it from time to time. You know those brief few hours, or maybe even days where it seems like we got our shit together and everything is going great? Yeah, so I did some research to see which animals tend to have multiple personalities.

This may seem silly, but if Clifford's diabetes was an animal, it would be a MIMIC OCTOPUS! Yeah, you heard me right a mimic octopus. Until today I didn't realize there was such an octopus, but there is, and it resembles diabetes most to me, and let me tell you why. This mimic octopus is a super intelligent mollusc, that has eight arms each with two rows of suction cups, when they are threatened they will take the form of other animals by changing color, shape, and behavior to scare their predators off. 

So when you read that it pretty much sums up diabetes to me. When diabetes feels threatened that we got a grasp on things, and it's control isn't as tight, it comes back in for the attack, taking the form of this horrible, life changing disease to scare us off, to knock us off our tracks. Diabetes attaches itself to pretty much every aspect in our lives, hence the 8 arms with 2 rows of suction cups each. I picture diabetes just reaching out and grabbing and touching anyone and everything in it's path just to let them know it's there. * NOTE: I'm not the best drawer on Paint, but that is my vision of the Diabetes Octopus up top there..

You pretty much get the picture right? Diabetes is one bad ass, with multiple personalities that has a huge control issue!

No Time for Diabetes

There are days I wish I could put diabetes on the back burner, there is simply just no time in the day for everything. But unlike the laundry, I can't set it aside for a better time, nope it needs attention NOW, in fact Diabetes is a huge attention whore! Always poking it's face in where it doesn't belong, and at the most inappropriate moments, plus it's ALWAYS about D!

It may be the lack of sleep leading this post or just the fact that D is simply tiring in itself. With a family as large as ours, (In case you've forgotten we have 9 of us!) there is no dull moment. Quite honestly I go to bed tired as death, and wake up the same. I hardly sleep, and no not just because of D, because well simply with 7 kids someone always needs something at some time or another. There is always something going on, whether it's a doctors appointment, endo appointment, dentist appointment, PT appointment, Speech therapy for the twins, or Early headstart for the twins. There is just something always going on. And the one big thing always there is D. It's a constant 24/7 job that takes no breaks or vacation, quite honestly I wish I had it's energy, I would get soooo much done.

Endless finger pokes, carb counting up the wahzoo, site changes, fighting the doctors for prescriptions, fighting the pharmacy, fighting the insurance, sleepless nights, the uncertainty of it all.

But one thing stays certain in the mix, no matter the time, the loss of sleep it's worth it in the morning to see a bright, smiling, ALIVE face. (Although he has to work on his wake up time, usually it's the butt crack of dawn).....

Just Being a Kid Doesn't Happen With Diabetes

Just being a kid and having diabetes, well those are two things that do not mix. You can't just be a kid, and indulge in candy, treats, and goodies without giving yourself insulin. I write this post because we are going through a stage with Clifford where he is sneaking into Candy and 'goodies' and not bolusing for these.

He's never been restricted on what he can eat, I've never told him no, unless a good reason (like candy for breakfast), but yet he still feels the need to sneak and indulge to the extreme. But when you think about it, how can we tell them they are 'still just a kid' and turn around and punish them for 'just being a kid'?

I ask this question, because I am curious as to what others are doing, or have done previously. His sneaking has lead to some deep talks about mortality, complications, and consequences. He heard the story of his diagnosis, and how heart wrenching it was on his family, and myself. He was told that while his diagnosis of diabetes wasn't his fault and he couldn't control it, he could however control the food he is putting in his mouth. And with each bite of food unbolused (no insulin given), he is putting himself a step closer to being back in that hospital bed unconscious, or worse.

I wrote a blog post previously about talking to your child about their own mortality and what a toll that plays on you as a parent, and your child of learning to accept this. Hell I'm 30 years old and still haven't fully accepted my own mortality, so how the hell am I supposed to accept that of my child, and worse how is a 9 year old supposed to do it?

Unfortunately, it all comes with the territory when you are in the D game. I'd love to post an upbeat, fun and friendly, laughs and giggles post about D today, but sadly I cannot. All I can do is post what we are going through in hopes that it reaches someone that might be going through the same, to let them know they are not alone. I cannot provide you with the right advice on what to do. I can only tell you these 'talks' you will have with your child will be difficult (to say the least), they will tug, and almost rip out your heart strings, but they are so very important.

Just being a kid is a wonderful concept, and while we strive to keep that happening everyday, sadly it's not always possible. You cannot just be a kid, and go through the painful daily ordeal that kids with diabetes go through. Kids with diabetes are forced to grow up way too soon. All we can do as their parents or family members is support them. Let them know we are hear, that we love them, and do our best to teach them the responsibility that comes along with this disease.

And that my friends is just another day in the life of diabetes.....................